A New Year Comes

Lots of changes this year. Left my husband for my transgendered boyfriend, quit my job of nearly 11 years and had one child leave the nest.  It's been a lot of changes for this OCD sufferer who hates change. I am still very scared of the future. I hate the idea of not knowing what I'm doing and I feel that way every time I sit at my new desk.  My old job was becoming unstable as well, and at this point I'm sure the company will close it's doors. The new job may very well have been an excellent move but at this moment it doesn't feel that way.
  I am happier since I separated from my husband. The stress level has dropped drastically. I am blessed to be loved and cared for by such a patient person. I'm not saying that life is perfect, but I can't begin to explain how much better I feel and how lucky I am to have found someone I feel is truly a partner.
  I also look forward to having my second child launch herself and see what the future will bring. I hope both the kids will be safe, successful and happy, but much like a mother bird there isn't much else I can do for them.
  So, I will celebrate tomorrow night and like the rest of the world I will hope that 2012 will be a happy new year. Peace and go green, the polar bears are depending on us.

My thoughts for today.

I just got back from dinner out with my kids. I can't explain how it makes me feel to see my children as adults but I assume it's like every other parent. I kind of hurried my way through their childhood  because I couldn't wait for the time when we were on more equal footing. I'm not saying I didn't enjoy them learning to walk, and read and hit all the milestones but I knew I would really enjoy the time when they began learning about adult life. I love listening to them talk about how they feel about their jobs and experiences. I enjoy the idea that they see me as a person much like themselves. I know I am still "mom" and there are things they don't like to talk to me about, but it's a great thing to know that I didn't do half as bad a job as a parent as I thought I would.  Now I hope I get to enjoy this time for quite a while before I have to start figuring out how to be a grandma!

Who the hell knows.

Who the hell knows if I will ever post again, but since it's unlikely that anyone else will ever read this blog it doesn't much matter. Sometimes I will be reminded of the things that make me want to go off and I will. Most times it will be the same things like religious zealotry or the general stupidity of the American populous. If anyone happens to read this feel free to leave a rational comment. If it's going to be "your stupid" or "god hates you" keep it to yourself. There's something that pisses me off.."god hates.." really god is love but god hates? Yeah no contradiction there. I'm about minding your own business. More people are concerned about what's going to happen when we die than what's going on right now and that bugs the hell outta me. On a lighter note, I like all kinds of things and most people would consider me a kinda strange. I think it's cool to be strange. Might explain why I like Craig Ferguson so much. I love the Big Bang Theory (the tv show, I don't have much of an oppinion on the scientific theory). I also love Glee, yes Glee. There is just something about it. I have to blame my best freind for that. She said she started watching it and it just sucked her in so I went on Netflix and looked up the first episode and watched. I was promptly sucked in and now I own the first two seasons on blu-ray and dvr the new episodes every week. Insert eye roll here, but what can I say. I love the Harry Potter series and Ghost Adventures. I like Ghost Adventures because I think they are full of shit but I love the way the sell it. Damn show is like an infomercial. You don't want to buy it, but you keep on watching. I can't wait to see the new Sherlock Holmes movie and I hope I get tickets to the Penguins game on New Year's Eve. I also play Farmville, far too much really but in NEPA in the winter there isn't much for a person who prefers the heat to do, but sit in bed with my lap tray and Farmville while watching DVR'd episodes of The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson. Will I ever get out and go for a walk..who the hell knows.